Is Crotch Cooking The Future of Camp Cuisine? - Outdoors Magic

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Is Crotch Cooking The Future of Camp Cuisine?

Chilli crotch carne for dinner, anyone? US thru-hiking brand Gossamer Gear takes dirtbag thinking to new lows with The Crotch Pot, a pouch for ‘cooking’ camping meals with the heat of your nether regions.

When we first Googled ‘crotch pot’, an Urban Dictionary definition came up – “when it is so hot outside that a girl can cook a ham in her pants”. Gross, right? Well, in a bizarre twist of events, this rather odious urban joke has become a reality thanks to minimalist hikers’ never-ending quest for a lighter, simpler set-up on the trail. Thru-hiking brand Gossamer Gear has released The Crotch Pot, a pouch for ‘cooking’ camping meals with the heat of your nether regions. Leave the camping stove at home. Ditch the heavy gas canisters. Now all your need for a hot meal is your personal anatomy. But is crotch cooking set to become a new trend in long-distance walking, or the act of a few deranged, obsessional gram counters?

Ultimately, this product is an extension to the ‘cold soaking’ trend – a ‘no cook’ process for preparing meals out on the trail that has exploded in popularity over recent years. It works like this. Rather than faffing around with fuel canisters and heavy, bulky camping stoves, you instead simply soak dry food in cold water to rehydrate your meal. Walk the PCT and you’ll see ultralight thru-hikers tucking into porridge, noodles and other backcountry gastronomic concoctions prepared in this way. But, of course, all of these meals are eaten cold – until now.

The Crotch Pot’s role is to harness the power of the crotch – that hot, sweaty, stuffy bodily void – to warm up these meals while you’re walking, thus transforming cold porridge into hot porridge and chilly noodles into a steaming ramen delight.

Pictured: Gossamer's helpful, totally not off-putting instructional diagrams

Gossamer Gear describe The Crotch Pot, which slightly resembles a map holder, as “the perfect gift for the ultralight backpacker in your life” and the “ultimate fuel-less ultralight backpacking stove”, which is also “climate change friendly because it has zero carbon monoxide hazards”. The pouch is constructed out of ultralight cuben fibre dyneema composites, and attaches to any pair of trousers with belt loops. It is designed to accept a quarter of a gallon (1.13L) sized freezer Ziploc bag, so your dinner contents are completely sanitary at all times. It weighs only 9g (including two mini carabiners) and costs $19 (+ shipping and customs charges).

Related: Best Ultralight Hiking Gear

In a blog post, Gossamer Gear founder Glen Van Peski – who has used this system of cooking for years – describes the appeal of this radical approach. “Infrared images of the human body confirm what is basically common knowledge – one of the hottest parts of the human body is the crotch area. Your body naturally generates significant heat while hiking; why not harness this heat for a warm dinner? Save the weight and hassle of cooking. Just slip your dinner into your pants about an hour before you stop hiking for the day, and when you get to camp, sit down to a hot dinner.”

“Imagine the envy on your friends’ faces as they fuss around with their stoves, or choke down a cold dinner, and you simply pull your warm dinner out of your pants.”

Glen goes on to give his top tips for getting the most out of the product. He says: “Just add cold water to the dry ingredients in the Ziploc bag, zip the bag shut and put it into the Crotch Pot. Slip the pot into your pants, directly against your skin for best results, and hike on for the last hour or so before stopping for dinner. You can knead the meal (discretely) while walking to make sure things are mixing well, and you may need to monitor in case you need to add additional water. Then when you get to camp, simply pull out your dinner, grab your spoon and enjoy. It works for breakfast too. Just break camp quickly after slipping some instant oatmeal into your pants. When the sun comes out after a few miles, you can stop and enjoy a satisfying warm breakfast, without the hassle of breaking out a stove and pot to boil water.”


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